Feeling Guilty... When I Should Not
On my table right now is a whiteboard with a list titled "Saturday Smackdown". A list of all the things I should be getting done for Thanksgiving. Before I leave and have to come home to an empty room. I am realizing that many of the items on the list could easily be done throughout the week, so that they do not pile up on the weekend. So I beat myself up for not getting it all done, neglecting to hone in on my gifts and talents, and then continue to wear myself out with lectures for not doing more.
Believe it or not, it is not as bad as it used to be.
One of the items on my list is laundry, so I am currently sitting on the couch trying to catch up on more laundry than I thought was possible. I decided to watch Dodie's videos while I fold. I love her music, storytelling, and aesthetically pleasing vlogs. For years, her creativity has been an inspiration to me and is one of the reasons I impulsively bought a microphone because I thought I could be a YouTuber/Vlogger one day. (Which is not off the table, but we will see how this blog goes first). Living the life of a creative is something I long to have and wish I did not have to jump through so many hoops to find my creative space. Seeing her music and creative process made me realize that over the past two months I have hardly done any songwriting. I have never ending lists that take up my time. There is a part of me that demands that everything be cleaned, organized, and spotless before I am allowed to enjoy the life I am aching to live. No one else is demanding this of me.
Now, this is the part of the blog where I would love to say I threw my basket of towels across the room, picked up my guitar, and wrote a song that will be later submitted to be reviewd for a grammy award. I am still going to finish this laundry. And then pick up my guitar. While trying to figure out this work/life balance as a musician and performer. I am curious, is anyone out there feeling the same way? If so, how do you cope with the demands for survival while also trying to do more than survive?
Book I am currently reading: The Abolition of Man by C.S. Lewis
Song that I currently love: The Last Time by Taylor Swift
Movie Recommendation: Over the Garden Wall (I know it's not a "movie" but it's my blog so there!)
Three Things I am Thankful for: French Pressed Coffee, modern day plumbing, and Prigma Micron pens size 05.
